There’s a Pill For That

Can’t produce tears, take a pill.
Can’t get an erection, soon you will.
Having trouble breathing?
Want to stop sneezing?
Need to lose that fat?
There’s a pill for that.
Worried about choking?
Trying to quit smoking?
Having trouble speaking?
Is your bladder leaking?
Maybe acute halitosis?
Possibly osteoporosis?
Need help releasing an egg?
Do you have a restless leg?
Do you have chronic indigestion?
Seasonal allergy congestion?
Are you feeling much too shy?
Is your cholesterol way too high?
Do you suffer from aggression?
Have you been diagnosed with depression?
Have a condition you can’t mention?
Do you struggle with hypertension?
Are you having trouble seeing?
Do you have a problem peeing?
Maybe you’re a diabetic.
Maybe your problem is cosmetic.


(side effects may include; dry mouth, vomiting, uncontrollable diarrhea, spontaneous bleeding, headaches, dizziness, ringing in the ears, runny nose, drowsiness, trouble falling asleep, trouble waking up, changes in appetite, thoughts of suicide, strange or unusual dreams, certain sexual side effects, swelling of the breast, anal leakage, rash, itching, cramps, shortness of breath, temporary blindness, paralysis, changes in skin color, loss of hair, mood swings, constipation, decrease in semen, blurred vision, lapses in memory, trouble standing or sitting, sleepwalking, jaywalking, moonwalking and double talking)