Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Phantom Storm - (Villanelle)

a storm is coming up the coast
some other place they’d rather be
the mariners fear this one most

they pour some rum and drink a toast
as tortured souls try to break free
a storm is coming up the coast

a skeleton ship that’s manned by ghosts
made up of sailors lost at sea
the mariners fear this one most

abandoned hope and left their posts
from sinking ships they could not flee
a storm is coming up the coast

in pirate tales they often boast
but now reduced to beg and plea
the mariners fear this one most

they sold their souls to Satan’s host
to sail into eternity
a storm is coming up the coast
the mariners fear this one most

18 comments:

  1. Well done, Charlie! I like this one a lot!

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  2. Nice poem, well written, I like it :)

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  3. Great dedication to the form, and the theme is entrancing. You caught me up!

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  4. The alternating refrain line really worked well for the tempo. Great write ~ Rose

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  5. How nice to see poetic form alive and well. 'As tortured souls try to break free' captures the immediacy and peril of the situation, both physical and ethereal.

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  6. Excellent. One feels the anticipation and tension of watching a storm coming.

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  7. 'They sold their souls to Satan's host
    to sail into eternity'
    Really like the creative use of words to weave this story. Nicely done!!

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  8. I really enjoyed this, eerie and tense. Beautiful writing

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  9. Nice vivid imagery of the storm coming up the coast:))

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  10. I like your word palette of s's. The sss...lends a feeling of water swishing and rolling and adds depth to your content!

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  11. Well done
    Nice read.
    Genebrother

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  12. Pretty good, they are bit hard to do, and you did very well, Thank you, much appreciated, WS

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  13. Great poem. I know how difficult Villanelles are to write.

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  14. amazing...loved it....<3
    why dont u get your poetry published in form of a book...i will definitly be ur customer!:D

    em ur new follower, hope you check out my blog too, i also write quite a lot of poetry :)

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  15. Hey! Hey! Liked this very much! Any more tears and I'll look mellow.....!

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