Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Phantom Storm - (Villanelle)

a storm is coming up the coast
some other place they’d rather be
the mariners fear this one most

they pour some rum and drink a toast
as tortured souls try to break free
a storm is coming up the coast

a skeleton ship that’s manned by ghosts
made up of sailors lost at sea
the mariners fear this one most

abandoned hope and left their posts
from sinking ships they could not flee
a storm is coming up the coast

in pirate tales they often boast
but now reduced to beg and plea
the mariners fear this one most

they sold their souls to Satan’s host
to sail into eternity
a storm is coming up the coast
the mariners fear this one most

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18 comments:

  1. AnonymousJune 29, 2011 at 12:36 PM

    Well done, Charlie! I like this one a lot!

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  2. AnonymousJune 29, 2011 at 2:10 PM

    Nice poem, well written, I like it :)

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  3. Linda Bob Grifins Korbetis HallJune 29, 2011 at 2:27 PM

    amazing.
    keep is up.

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  4. AnonymousJune 29, 2011 at 3:13 PM

    dang i bet! wow great!

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  5. Jack Edwards PoetryJune 29, 2011 at 3:23 PM

    great rhyme structure.

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  6. UnknownJune 29, 2011 at 5:42 PM

    Great dedication to the form, and the theme is entrancing. You caught me up!

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  7. UnknownJune 30, 2011 at 5:11 AM

    The alternating refrain line really worked well for the tempo. Great write ~ Rose

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  8. AnonymousJune 30, 2011 at 9:33 AM

    How nice to see poetic form alive and well. 'As tortured souls try to break free' captures the immediacy and peril of the situation, both physical and ethereal.

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  9. RavenblackJune 30, 2011 at 3:38 PM

    Excellent. One feels the anticipation and tension of watching a storm coming.

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  10. Ginny BrannanJuly 1, 2011 at 8:55 PM

    'They sold their souls to Satan's host
    to sail into eternity'
    Really like the creative use of words to weave this story. Nicely done!!

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  11. AnonymousJuly 3, 2011 at 2:19 AM

    I really enjoyed this, eerie and tense. Beautiful writing

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  12. AnonymousJuly 4, 2011 at 8:18 AM

    Nice vivid imagery of the storm coming up the coast:))

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  13. AnonymousJuly 5, 2011 at 4:52 PM

    I like your word palette of s's. The sss...lends a feeling of water swishing and rolling and adds depth to your content!

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  14. AnonymousJuly 6, 2011 at 1:15 PM

    Well done
    Nice read.
    Genebrother

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  15. AnonymousJuly 10, 2011 at 8:19 AM

    Pretty good, they are bit hard to do, and you did very well, Thank you, much appreciated, WS

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  16. Jack Edwards PoetrySeptember 11, 2011 at 8:49 AM

    Great poem. I know how difficult Villanelles are to write.

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  17. ..the floodgate of feelings..:]September 19, 2011 at 10:31 AM

    amazing...loved it....<3
    why dont u get your poetry published in form of a book...i will definitly be ur customer!:D

    em ur new follower, hope you check out my blog too, i also write quite a lot of poetry :)

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  18. HelenaOctober 14, 2011 at 2:37 PM

    Hey! Hey! Liked this very much! Any more tears and I'll look mellow.....!

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