As Seen On TV

I know my teeth aren’t white enough
my laundry’s just not bright enough

my dog has fleas and ticks and worms
my mouthwash isn’t killing germs

my eyelashes are much too thin
my soap is drying out my skin

a simple strip and I won’t snore
one click to find my credit score

more women would look my way
if my hair had just a touch of gray

I should adopt a rescue pet
Am I paying too much for internet?

I could enjoy a peaceful slumber
if I only knew my true sleep number

time’s running out to buy a Toyota
shoe insoles control foot odor

my cell phone’s slow and makes me wait
my credit card’s too high a rate

so to be the best that I can be
I must get rid of my TV